LOST & FOUND

 We have no time to spare, rushing along the endless spiral, waiting to reach the zenith of fulfillment, only to culminate in a fall from above into a dry sea of realisation. A thought, " Did I lose all that to end like this?" We tell ourselves that maybe if it wouldn't have been this, there was no point in getting what we already lost, or maybe the feeling would have been same even if you get everything. But, this is what we asked from god, isn't it ? 

We wanted success, but success has many fathers. We deny, we rush back to a lonewolf self, but failure is orphan. But who defines what is success? Is it something else or voice buzzing in your ear from time immemorial. You starve yourselves based on your ideas or acceptance to someone else' ideas. Life is full of paradox. We leave, loose, gain and then we love. But we love potential and not reality. We want to become everything , but as Slyvia wrote,"I am horrible limited". The truth of limited life or just a denial.

We don't know where we are right now but we claim we know space technology.

We cannot clear our senses , and we claim we know machine learning.

Economists worry about how they will tax cybereconomies , when they know there are starving child along the roadside who knows no liberty, who knows just the meaning of food.

But who brought ourselves here? We brought ourselves where we are and noone else, not them. We improvise when we could have prepared. We cling to them cause we are afraid, but afraid of what? The time which you think is unbearable to pass without them? There is a silence after surviving a day that noone knew was hard for us, but did they notice? We are afraid that we will loose someone when we still have them. We cannot live a moment in entirety and have audacity to demand a companionship for life or to be more foolish, for eternity. We are afraid that we'll bury our loved ones and realize that the grief isn't tears, its folding their laundry and forgetting how their voice sounded.. And all this, when we are dying each second.

I cannot define love, but I know it is not limerence. But who really wants love? The world is already afraid of love. They love poems, they love letters which they want to receive, but they lack still lack love. Some wants it to show society that they completed a ritual, some for dignity, some for power and some for chastity. Many for desires, many for companionship and many for attention. But in truth, noone is here for love, liking the idea of being loved. And to love, is a difficult job. You have to cry on an invisible shoulder thinking they listen, acknowledging and accepting as they are, forgiving and living the next day with the memories which only time can make you forget. Sometimes in love, we assume that we are too sensitive, but time breaks the bond and tells us we are 'Human'. But they are not stone too, they are never anyone to blame. Life is suffering but we choose our own pain. We did choose. We asked for it. We prayed for it. We still have a choice. But until when will you continue to run away from yourself? The problem is that we lost ourselves in love, the solution is we have to find ourselves back. We are the most valuable thing we have got in our life, and nothing is older than life experiences, then why to begin a new life? There is no new life to begin, but to learn.

"All these years , all these memories, there was us, we pull us through time, and we will continue to do so". No matter what happens, we will sustain- the pain, injuries, heart breaks, denial, betrayal, exorcism and ourselves. Strength has nothing to do with whether we win or lose anytime or maybe it is just a mental construct. We gain it through evolution, and its in our genetics, so why worry? Death is not the only freedom that exists. There is no us after the silent vanish of our existence. Even if we are hiding right now, it is to survive. To survive is bravery.

To all of us who find ourselves lost and found in this wide cosmos, its never late or early, to be whoever you want to be. There is no time limit , you can change or stay the same , you make the rules , we can make the best and worst. And if something happens, we are never late to start it all over again. Forgive them who made you loose, forgiving in silence is care. We already know what's going to happen , but we just want to spend a little more time with them before it all actually ends, before the wish of universe shatter your dreams, before it takes away the sense of us, the consiousness!

Aparajita